I know, the Gwyneth love/hate fest is so old news.  But I’m going to go ahead and profess my love.  I am a fan.  I get the newsletter.  I have the latest cookbook.  I follow her advice if I can afford it.  I like her. Mostly because she knows how to enjoy life.  She indulges… but then works out like a maniac and eats clean to make up for it.  I’ll never work out like she does but, we DO share the moderation mantra.

She says she gives great advice to her girlfriends:
“I think that women, especially women in my job, come to me because they know I’m very loving and nonjudgmental and I’m not competitive, and I’ve been through a lot. And so they come round to talk about their stuff. I’m a bit of a mother hen. Everyone wants a home-cooked meal and to come over and talk about where they are in their life,” she says.

That said, I would love to come round for a chit char over a couple of martinis like Kyle and Jackie O got to do.  It would start out pretty standard…

What roles are you drawn to?

What’s your typical day like when you’re regularly in London, L.A.,  NYC, and Amagansett?

Should I reeeeallly make Luna’s babyfood?  Is it more trouble than it’s worth?  Isn’t Plum Organics good enough?  I don’t have a nanny, btw.

Do you want to invent something with me?  Tracy could help, too.  I mean, if she wants and isn’t busy.

Let’s see if Beyonce wants to go out next week.  The boys could watch the kids.

Speaking of Beyonce, do you think I could rock the blonde hair like she does?  We have pretty much the same skin tone but I would love to get your opinion.

Do you have a guilt-free/detox/clean recipe (or substitute) for sea salt caramel, monkey bread, and lasagna?

In an emergency, 911-sort of situation, what would you serve to guests from a can or box?

Can I work at GOOP?

Could I mayyyybeeee borrow your kitchen on Friday night?

Does Chris leave his clothes on the floor after he takes them off?

Does Chris fall asleep on the sofa 5 out of 7 nights week and crawl into bed at 3am?

I kinda have a feeling Ernie and Chris is a bromance waiting to happen.

Notice the progression of quality in my questions.  The vodka is working.

Here are some favorite bits from the world’s most beautiful woman:

“[I]f [Chris Martin] isn’t at home, I turn on the hip-hop—I’m like a bad mutha rapping along to every word as I cook.”

“I am who I am.  I can’t pretend to be somebody who makes $25,000 a year.”

“I’d rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a tin.”

“Some days I feel like everyone in my world has plugged themselves into my kidneys. I’m so tired.”

“We have great dinner parties at which everyone sits around talking about politics, history, art, and literature — all this peppered with really funny jokes. But back in America, I was at a party and a girl looked at me and said, ‘Oh, my God! Are those Juicy jeans that you’re wearing?’ and I thought, I can’t stay here. I have to get back to Europe.”

“Murray’s cheese shop. That store is my heaven. I love it. I’m obsessed with it. I go every time I’m in New York. They’re like, ‘Where’s the stinkiest cheese we have? She’s here!'”

“It’s hard being married. You go through great times, you go through terrible times. We’re the same as any couple . . . I asked my dad once, ‘How did you and mom stay married for 33 years?’ And he said, ‘Well, we never wanted to get divorced at the same time’. And I think that’s what happens. . . .When two people throw in the towel at the same time, then you break up, but if one person’s saying, ‘come on, we can do this,’ you carry on.”

“I think it’s a mix,” she says honestly. “You know, I use organic products, but I get lasers. It’s what makes life interesting, finding the balance between cigarettes and tofu.”